peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
