i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
