Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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