Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
