I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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