i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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