i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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