But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
