peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
