New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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