Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
