My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
