she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
