so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
