I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
