people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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