Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
