What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
