guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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