Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
