i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
