so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
