Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
