I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
