Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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