you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
