I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
