I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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