Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
