if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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