don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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