I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You can't motorboat a personality
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
