he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
