Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
