my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
