recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
