She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
