direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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