Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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