the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
