What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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