peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
