I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
