I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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