she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
