i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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