there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
