What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
