I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
