She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
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